It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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