I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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