I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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