Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
