I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need moral support for this bender
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize