textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
