I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
ttyl tear gas
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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