We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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