I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think I just sharted jello shots
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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