Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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