My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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