You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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