im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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