Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
