I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
