She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
