oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
40s are totally the cure
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
