it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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