whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
