Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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