I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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