i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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