If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
