dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
