I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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