no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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