so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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