Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
