the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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