My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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