she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
