Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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