he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
