come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
