We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is the high leading the old right now
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
