so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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