I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
