Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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