I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
