How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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