There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
