I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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