Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
