I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
