u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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