Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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