We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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