Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
