After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
