You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
