My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love having hate sex.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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