Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
