I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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