I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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