I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dear god my vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
