My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
