oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
