i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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