the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
