Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
