I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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