I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
