she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
