we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
