i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
