No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
