He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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