Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
