Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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