i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize