well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
