Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
