All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
