Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
