Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
