I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize