When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
soo... how was my night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
