so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
