i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
someone owes me an orgasm
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
