could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
