i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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