I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
