I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
