I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The best revenge is premature balding
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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