I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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